& just lately, there were so many things happening, it could be due to e widespread of h1n1, it could be the precautions that we needed to take at work, it could be people's cynical comments,or unmet expectations of d significant people that left my whole mind, heart n soul into a whirl.i really aint sure how to put this down, but workwise, i'm pretty much adjusted, & i thank God so much for nice colleagues like Janice n xiuqi. & updates on other relevant areas,I'm so glad for friend who can listen to me complain bt my work, yet at e same time give, consolation, if not relieve to all my rants. Especially to someone, someone i knew better not v long ago. And although it could be liking but still i know i wanna treat him as a' bro whom i know, also looks up to me as a sis-in-Christ. N hence, such conflicting feelings left me at a loss of what to do. But i know i gotta overcome all that feelings, to fight on n put a stop to it cuz i do know what d final story would be; sth very far from a fairy tale's happily ever after.
I know at my age right now its due time i stop havin such fleeing feelings that r just so uncertain, & tt which changes with time, almost instantaneously, coming n going dependin on e colors of e wind.but i just wanna say that no, in e first place i didnt even pin any hopes, knowing i'd lose this fight, reli badly, cuz the situation was just impossible. Still, saying that i will stop right now doesnt render me treating this whole thing lightly. he was and is a fantastic guy, yet time n space thinks it otherwise. Feasibility was a big fat zero. but sth i learnt today at Pastor Richard's sermon , was e homework of waiting. Ppl may think its been so long n i haven grown a single bit, i think to say tt is an understatement, cuz i think how we deal w this is gonna tell so much more. & feelings r feelings, he was such a gd boy that served e Lord n honoured his parents.. i would even think tt i am not gd enuff for him. still,for now,i know it isnt him that God was preparing for me. Even then, no bitter feelings, but just wishing for d best for him, and his future significant other, cuz i do believe God would bless him w a gd other half. For me, i just hope that things will settle down, so that i can put my focus on God again.. N then allow me to quote this frm beethoven virus, the maestro said to e girl he loved ' rather than pinning my hopes on u, on love- thgs tt will change,tt will come n go, he'd rather pin his hopes on music, on thoven, his dog,thgs tt wun change despite e test of time'

likewise,i wanna put my focus on God instead. & in this life we would have to fall so many times, but at day's end,let us not look at where we fall, but how we fall, & most imptly, to stand up again on our feet.

agl ♥-ed at 7:32 AM.